Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
