i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize