it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
