I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
