How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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