When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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