She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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