so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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