Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
