I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
