Already got asked if we're dating
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
