Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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