I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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