Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
