I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
