Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
