well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
