i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
