i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
