You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
