Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
