Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
