I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
