p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
