I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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