I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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