I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
