well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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