Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In other news, I just burned my penis
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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