I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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