Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
