im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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