I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
