Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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