i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
