We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
