In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize