If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
