apparently the secret to your success is patron
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
