Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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