I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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