Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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