oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
