Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My hand turned me down
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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