I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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