he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize