sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
