So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mom said you looked used
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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