How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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