Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
