I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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