My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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