i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
