i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
