i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
one might say we're banned from that church
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
