I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
