Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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