That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
