We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
