you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
