it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
