Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God, I missed his penis.
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