cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
