You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
