i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
