Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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