Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
