:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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