We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize