dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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