I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize