I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate all girls vehemently.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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