Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
