i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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