roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
