just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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