I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They have beer where we have blood.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
