I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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